Awareness
Have you ever considered that you spend as much time awake as sleeping?
Contemplate that fact for a moment, then take a look at the photo below if you still don’t get it. The time that we live with is the same, it’s speed is the same, whether we are awake or asleep. Our hearts beat all the same. This is where awareness comes in.

Have you ever considered that you spend the same amount of time awake as dreaming?
Consider what you have done in the past 90 minutes? How much have you really lived?
I yearn to have lucid dreams, yet in my ordinary waking life there come long stretches of time when I’m unaware…. I’m caught in the daily game of work, endless fantasies, endless games that the brain plays with itself for the sheer sake of keeping it spinning. Depending on how much coffee I had in the morning, I may play the same games, same fantasies or fear the same illusions in my mind, only more or less intensely. Yet this is not awareness. Same stuff happens in dreams. Plots unfold, actions are taken, yet all of them lack awareness. I’m like a leaf blown on the wind of whatever fancy my mind might have at the moment.
I do not know how awareness can be cultivated. All I know is that just like in lucid dreams, it comes and goes. My ability to even comprehend this fact is also coming and going. On some days it shrinks so badly that I act and think like a zombie. All interactions with the outside world are reduced to no more than a set of pre-determined games. I know or I think I know the rules, yet as I examine my actions later, I notice that they are really baseless. I’m acting out on fantasies. Yet when I do so, it does not feel that way. The world is the same, the people in my life are the same, but the entire outlook on the world changes.
This outlook on life is what defines me. This is my awareness.
For years I’ve struggled to express this simple idea. The awareness comes and goes. It is not permanent. There’s a whole spectrum of awareness, or different “flavors” as I started to think of them.
Just like in dreams, the intensity of this awareness ranges from the most dull to the most brilliant. I wander if this is what’s happening when I go to bed – what happens when I shed all the baggage of knowledge and responsibilities. This is when I can judge the quality of my daily awareness. Is it dull ? Is it grasping at straws? Is it controlled by it’s own imagination?
I don’t know.
What I know is that the 90 minutes between the Singularity experience markers are the same, whether I’m awake or asleep. My body is the same. My brain is the same. And if I have the audacity to ask why wasn’t I lucid last night, I just need to look at the last 90 minutes and ask myself: “How many moments of those 90 minutes have I truly been alive, aware, and awake?
All too often the answer is 0. It may be days before I regain enough power over myself to get even the most basic duties done. The simple act of folding laundry holds in itself the promise of many more future days. More showers and changes of clothing. Folding laundry may be an opportunity to prepare for the future and reflect at the current situation. Same can be done with washing dishes.
Yet in the past I noticed that I tend to delude myself with fantasies and put way too much work on my plate. Way more than can ever be accomplished by a single man. On top of 2 months of unfinished lucid dreaming app for android work, I have other unfinished and half done projects. All together 6 months of solid work, with more and more piling up. And I wander, why am I doing this to myself? This robs me of awareness as I navigate a complex intellectual labyrinth. I build machines with moving parts. The Lucid Dreaming App for Android has over 40 components, and the iPhone app has over 60, with close to 40 sleep scoring metrics. Even if it takes me an hour to process a single data file, when can I ever hope to process 40 sleep scoring metrics for every single night? I’m not trained in the techniques of scientific analysis of such large datasets. This is the reality. I would keep chasing after something, while missing the very thing that I was chasing: the awareness.
Awareness is the very thing that defines my being. It is the seamless fabric of my being. Every action that I’ve taken, every word I said went through that as a focal point. And time is way to measure this seamless fabric. What did I do in the past 90 minutes? How long was I really aware?
As I listen to the chimes of daily reality check reminders that I set with respect to my last bedtime, I can gaze at how long I spent awake.

Have you ever considered that you spend the same amount of time awake as dreaming?
But can I gaze at how long I’ve been aware?
The day is 24 hours. It always is, it always will be. There’s nowhere to fit in the extra time, except you can take it from the next day. But then your next day will be shorter.
The arrows in the figure above deftly part the day, the same day of 24 hours, into several segments. From bedtime until sunrise is peaceful, restful state, where my awareness wanes. From the sunrise, until awakening is an enjoyable, dreaming state. From awakening until 15:00 is the daily game of work, solving problems and accomplishing something, all the while being completely oblivious to the world around me, and myself included. Then the reminders start. And they keep on going, reminding me that the day is still 24 hours, and asking me: what have you accomplished in the past 90 minutes? How have you lived? Did you really see, or was it all just wallpaper for images and illusions for meaning?
And as I look at the dial, I see the bedtime approaching, and know exactly how much life I have left in a day. Any more I’ll have to borrow from tomorrow.
To give you the chance to take a look at your waking life through the 90 minute reminder lenses,
I’m making the lucid dreaming app for iPhone free for 2 weeks. Get it. Try it. Look at your last 90 minutes and see how much you’ve really lived. Once you know what to look for, maybe this will manifest itself in dreams.
Happy dreaming!
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